“How to get out of a rut” “What to do when you’re in a rut” so on and so on. We’ve all seen these videos pop up on our subscription feed on YouTube. We’ve searched on Google and Pinterest for ways to get out of a rut. But today that’s not what I’m searching. Today I’m just allowing myself to feel like SHIT. Can I tell you a story?
In May 2017, I left my full-time stable job for my DREAM JOB. A Chicago based job that would allow me to 1. work in social media (what I have a degree for) 2. Work in cosmetics (which I love with a passion) 3. Work from home mostly 4. Work with a powerful inspiring female. This all sounds like a dream right. Turns out it was. This position was challenging, fun, literally everything I wanted it to be. Come November 22nd, everything changed. For privacy reasons of everyone involved I’m not going to share the details but long story short as of December 2017 I no longer had that job.
If you follow my channel, you know that in July Alex (my long-time boyfriend) and I bought a condo. In August, we adopted our first puppy, Pepper. I was living on cloud nine. In a home of our own, with a puppy so cute I can’t believe she’s real most of the time, and getting to work from home doing what I love.
After a massive panic attack, lots of crying, and a bit of screaming I knew I had to pick myself up pretty quickly as I’m an adult and have bills to pay. Since all of these things happened, I’ve spent the last few months attempting to put myself back together. I’ve gone from living on cloud nine to literally feeling like my mind is fuzz.
I find myself asking questions like “what do I want out of life” “what will make me happy” “what can I do for 8 hours a day five days a week and still be happy” you know just the typical quarter life crisis questions. They say if you tell the universe what you want it’s more likely to come true so here we go.
I have a passion for sharing my love of beauty. I love to share how I’ve learned what I’ve learned. Answering questions about makeup, lifestyle, etc. I LOVE to travel. It literally makes me feel like I’m who I’m supposed to be. I thrive when I work with passionate females who are smart and determined. I love the internet. I’ve spent my twenties sharing my life on the internet. I want to create, travel, work, learn, and share.
So, do I want to get out of this rut I’m living in? Yes. But do I feel like I’m ready yet? No. Sometimes living in this place of fuzz allows you to appreciate the clarity when you see it. I’m going to continue to ask myself these are questions in an attempt to figure out who I am and what I want my role in the world to be. I may spend my days off watching way too many episodes of Parks and Recreation, but right now that’s okay. I encourage you to ask yourself the hard questions and not to beat yourself up when you feel like shit because girl I’m there with you.
But why do we so often feel this way? For me at this moment in my life I feel this fuzz because I’m trying to figure things out. Life is complicated and it doesn’t really ever seem to get uncomplicated. Just like any relationship in your life your relationship with yourself has these ebbs and flows. So, when you’re in these periods of debt and uncertainty allow your mind to wander, to think big picture, to imagine all of the possibilities, good or bad. But don’t get caught up in either. Open your mind to the possibility that you won’t feel this way you’re feeling in this moment forever, you won’t be where you are forever, and you won’t be thinking the same thoughts you are now forever. This can be a good thing and a bad thing.
If your life is great at the moment I’m sure you never want these feelings to end. But I wish someone would have told me when I was living my best life that it wouldn’t last forever. One, I would have appreciated each moment a little deeper and two I wouldn’t have been so devastated when it ended. On the other hand, if things suck for your right now remember, it will NOT be like this forever!